Love Yourself As You Would Your Neighbor: Change Your Self-criticism Into Self-assurance.
Loving yourself as you would your neighbor will help you live a better life. If you have always wondered how to love yourself as you would your neighbor, this article will provide you with the answers.
To anybody, having self-confidence is essential. It’s one of the traits of the tough expert, the professional who maintains health in the face of the high stress of routine exchange, according to pressure literature. It’s crucial, but how can you create and maintain a realistic and useful sense of self-assurance?
Love yourself as you would your neighbor
Examining self-esteem as an inference from what you privately say about yourself is one technique to examine it. You should form between 300 and 400 opinions about yourself each day. Regrettably, those opinions are not favorable toward the majority of us. Self-criticism is most prevalent. According to research, the average person has 80% negative self-perceptions and just 20% positive ones.
Sometimes, a minor mistake can lead to 45 minutes of self-criticism. Thoughts like, “That was silly of me. I can’t believe I said that. Everyone must be talking about me now!” If that’s not enough, there’s a little, outdated file clerk in the back of our minds that reviews the evidence: “Let me check that ‘foolish’ record for a moment. Yes, you are foolish. You’re actually getting worse. This reminds me of a time when you were…” Most people are skilled at making us feel worse rather than better.
Even when you do permit yourself to feel proud of your accomplishments, the feeling often doesn’t endure. We tend to minimize our successes, saying things like, “I just got lucky!” or “It’s about time; I should have finished this weeks ago!” or “They could have done better!” When was the last time you couldn’t sleep because you had such a fantastic day? It’s rare!
“Feel affection and excitement for your life’s accomplishments.”
Despite our inflated self-perception, we often showcase our best selves in public. We boast about being 95% effective, yet we acknowledge our fallibility as humans and the occasional mistakes we make. While you can deceive others, you cannot deceive yourself. Comparing your inner self with the public personas of others can lead to a sense of loss. As self-criticism creeps in, you may seek validation from loved ones, parents, friends, and bosses to compensate for your perceived shortcomings. Unfortunately, relying on others for validation can diminish your confidence, leaving you feeling less successful, self-assured, and composed, especially when their praise is withheld.
Imagine if you spoke to others the way you speak to yourself! “You did that? You’re foolish! Did anyone see you? They did! Do they see you as I do? It reminds me of when you were…” Nobody would want friends like that! If a manager spoke to an employee the way you speak to yourself, there would likely be a complaint filed and resolved. You deserve the same, if not better, compassion than you would give a friend. Learn to accept your mistakes as you would review someone else’s.
Since mistakes are inevitable in the fast lane, we need to find ways to be self-sufficient without focusing primarily on self-whipping. Start by looking into complaints as route-correction information that will help us return to our journey toward fulfillment headed in the right path. The goal is to transmit future-focused remarks that enable you to be more effective the next day, not to berate or accuse.
“Mistakes are unavoidable in life.”
The cartoonist Scott Adams, known for Dilbert, applied these concepts while playing tennis with a beginner: “During a tennis match, I was paired with a girl who was new to the game. Each time she missed a shot, she seemed to expect my disappointment or frustration. Instead, I discussed our strategy for the next point. This sent a crucial message:
I didn’t rely on empty praise to boost her confidence because I knew it wouldn’t be effective. Instead, I understood that dwelling on mistakes could lead to their repetition, while focusing on our strategy for winning the next game would motivate her to contribute. Over the course of a few days, her skills noticeably improved, and we ended up winning the competition.
Treat yourself with the same level of kindness and understanding you would offer others. Life is akin to driving a car without using the brakes; if you spend too much time looking in the rearview mirror, you might end up hitting a tree in front of you. This is why your front windshield is larger than your rearview mirror. Shift your focus away from the past and towards your desired future. Rather than resorting to general self-criticism, identify specific areas where you may have faltered and how you can improve them.
Keep in mind that admitting a mistake is far easier than acknowledging one. While I’m usually not rude, there have been occasions on the roads of Los Angeles where I’ve acted in ways I regret. The other driver didn’t even wave back with both arms, so I could tell they weren’t feeling much love either.
After identifying a specific mistake, shift your focus to the future by asking yourself the following questions:
1. What immediate steps can you take to address and resolve the issue?
2. If constructive action or an apology is necessary, when will you take these steps?
3. Most importantly, how would you handle a similar situation if it were to occur again?
Consider discussing these questions with a trusted friend or colleague for additional perspective. If not, jot down your thoughts or utilize those inquiries to help you identify your self-criticism. Go back into the game of life once you’ve taken what you’ve learned from the past and concentrated on a new strategy.
In conclusion
When you identify a specific issue, shift your focus to the future by asking:
1. What immediate steps can you take to address the problem?
2. When will you address the matter and take any necessary corrective action or apologize? Second, and probably most significantly, how would you respond if the same circumstance occurred again? If you have a trustworthy friend or colleague, consider using them as a sounding board. If not, jot down your thoughts or use the questions mentioned earlier to help you pinpoint areas for self-improvement. Once you’ve reflected on your past experiences and devised a new strategy, re-engage with the challenges of life.
Do you have any questions or comments at the moment? Please feel free to share them in the comment section below. I’d love to hear from you.
Copyright © 2006 by means of Terry L. Paulson. All Rights Reserved
Related:
A Piece On Perfection- It’s Not Self-Love
The 3 Pillars of Personal Power: Self-Love, Clarity, and Passion- Proven Today
Self-Love Equals Positive Self-Esteem- It’s Vitaly Important
Kiersti writes on self-love and personal development professionally. Over the past ten or so years, she has studied self-love and personal growth. Visit https://womansdailyneeds.com/ to learn more about what she does, and like her on Facebook at https://facebook.com/womansdailyneeds to keep up with her.