To Truly Heal And Love Yourself, You Need To Heal Your Childhood
When people talk about self-love, it often gets watered down into skincare routines, affirmations, or a weekend getaway. Those things can feel good, but they’re not the whole picture. True self-love goes deeper than pampering yourself—it’s about healing the wounds that shaped you, especially the ones you’ve carried since childhood.
The truth is, no matter how much you try to cover up your past, the little girl inside you doesn’t forget. She remembers the rejection, the loneliness, the pain. And until you face her, until you give her the love she needed, you’ll always feel like something is missing.
This is the real work of self-love: healing your childhood wounds.
Why Your Childhood Still Lives Inside You
Your childhood is the blueprint for how you see the world and yourself. If you grew up in an environment of unconditional love and safety, you likely learned to trust others and value yourself. But if you experienced neglect, rejection, or trauma, those wounds don’t magically vanish when you become an adult.
Instead, they follow you.
- If you were constantly criticized, you may find yourself chasing perfection, never feeling “good enough.”
- If you were abandoned or rejected, you might cling to unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone.
- If you were silenced as a child, you may struggle to speak up now, worried that your needs will be dismissed.
It’s not your fault—but it is your responsibility to heal. Otherwise, the unhealed child in you will keep running your life, making decisions out of fear instead of love.
My Story: The Wound of Feeling Unwanted
I know this because I’ve lived it.
Growing up, I was bullied. Classmates made me feel like I didn’t belong, like something was wrong with me. That alone planted seeds of insecurity and self-doubt. But the deepest wound came when I was 13. My parents removed me from their home and sent me to live with my grandparents.
At that age, I didn’t see it as “a decision they had to make.” To me, it was rejection in its purest form. The message I received loud and clear was: “You aren’t wanted.”
Do you know what that does to a young girl? It shatters her sense of worth. It made me question if I was lovable at all. For years, I carried that wound into every part of my life. I let people treat me poorly because deep down, I believed I didn’t deserve better. I settled for less than I was worth in relationships, friendships, even in how I spoke to myself.
What I didn’t realize then was that my inner child was still hurting. That 13-year-old girl was still inside me, waiting for someone—anyone—to tell her she mattered.
What Healing Your Childhood Really Means
Healing your childhood isn’t about blaming your parents forever or living as a victim. It’s about acknowledging what happened, grieving what you lost, and then taking your power back by becoming the parent your younger self needed.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
1. Face the Truth Without Sugarcoating It
Stop pretending it didn’t hurt. It did. Be honest with yourself about what you went through and how it made you feel. Healing begins with truth.
2. Grieve What You Lost
Maybe you lost a safe home, unconditional love, or a sense of belonging. It’s okay to cry for that child. Grief work is part of healing.
3. Re-Parent Yourself
This is where self-love becomes real. You step in and give yourself now what you didn’t get then. Speak kindly to yourself. Set boundaries. Keep promises to yourself. Learn to comfort yourself instead of abandoning yourself.
4. Break the Cycle
The pain can stop with you. Healing your childhood means you refuse to carry those wounds into the future. You choose better—for yourself, your relationships, and maybe even your children.
How Healing Changes the Way You Love
Once you begin healing your inner child, everything shifts.
- You stop seeking validation from people who can’t give it.
- You stop tolerating toxic love dynamics.
- You start speaking to yourself with compassion instead of criticism.
- You make decisions that honor your worth instead of repeating old wounds.
Most importantly, you stop abandoning yourself. You finally become the safe, loving presence you needed all along.
That’s when real self-growth blooms—not from spa days or social media quotes, but from showing up for yourself every single day.
Talking to Your Younger Self
One of the most powerful exercises in healing your childhood is speaking directly to your younger self. Imagine that little girl—you at 6, or 10, or 13. Picture her pain, her confusion, her tears. Then tell her what she’s been waiting to hear all along:
“You were always wanted. You were always enough. And I will never leave you again.”
Those words, spoken with love and consistency, begin to repair what was broken. Your inner child doesn’t just need healing once; she needs you to show up for her again and again until she believes it.
My Healing Journey
For me, healing meant rewriting the story I told myself. My parents’ decision didn’t mean I was unwanted—it meant they didn’t have the tools or capacity to love me the way I needed. That was about them, not about my worth.
The bullies didn’t define me. The rejection didn’t define me.
What defines me now is how I choose to love myself, every single day. I no longer wait for others to validate me. I no longer accept scraps of love, because I know I deserve the whole feast.
Healing my childhood wasn’t easy. Some days, it still isn’t. But every time I show up for that little girl inside me, every time I tell her she matters, I feel myself becoming whole again.
Final Truth
You cannot truly heal or love yourself if you are still ignoring the broken pieces of your childhood. The little version of you is still there, waiting for you to finally show up.
When you do, everything changes.
Healing your childhood is the bridge to self-love. It’s the path to freedom. It’s the moment where you stop living from your wounds and start living from your worth.
And when you finally take that step—when you finally choose to love the child you once were—you’ll discover that you’ve been worthy all along.
Kiersti writes on self-love and personal development professionally. Over the past ten or so years, she has studied self-love and personal growth. Visit https://womansdailyneeds.com/ to learn more about what she does, and like her on Facebook at https://facebook.com/womansdailyneeds to keep up with her.
6 Responses
This touched me deeply. I didn’t grow up with the kind of love and safety a child should have, and for years, I thought ignoring it would make the pain go away. But you’re right, the child inside never forgets. She still cries out until you stop and listen.
What you said about re-parenting yourself hit home. Learning to offer myself the compassion and stability I lacked as a child has been incredibly challenging, yet one of the most healing experiences I’ve had. It’s not about blaming my past; it’s about finally giving that younger version of myself the love she always needed.
Thank you for reminding me that healing doesn’t erase my story, but it does change how I carry it.
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. What you’ve described is powerful—re-parenting isn’t about rewriting the past, but about finally giving yourself the love and safety you deserved all along. That younger version of you is still here, and every act of compassion you offer her is healing in motion.
Healing doesn’t erase your story—it transforms how you carry it. And you’re carrying it with strength and grace.
This article is such a powerful reminder that true self-love goes far beyond pampering ourselves—it starts with healing the wounds from our childhood. It highlights how our early experiences shape our beliefs, behaviors, and relationships, and how unhealed pain can quietly run our lives. I love the practical steps it offers: facing the truth, grieving what was lost, re-parenting yourself, and breaking the cycle. Speaking to your younger self with compassion is such a beautiful way to rebuild self-worth. This piece really shows that real healing is about consistently showing up for yourself and choosing love over old wounds.
Paul.
Yes! ???? real self-love isn’t just bubble baths and face masks, it’s doing the hard work of actually healing. Childhood wounds run so much deeper than we realize, and re-parenting yourself is such a game changer. It really is about showing up for yourself daily and choosing love over the pain that tried to define you.
This really helps once you set your mind to it as well as being open to it. That part about re-parenting yourself hit differently. I never thought of it that way before, but it makes so much sense. The idea that we can actually become the safe presence we needed back then is powerful. What you said about speaking to your younger self caught me off guard. It’s wild how we can carry these wounds for decades without even realizing they’re still running the show. The whole “you were always enough” message : that’s something I think a lot of us needed to hear way back when but are just now learning to tell ourselves. Thank you so much!
Exactly ???? it’s crazy how long we carry those wounds without even realizing it. Re-parenting really changes everything once you see it that way. And yes, we were always enough — just needed to finally believe it ourselves.